fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
that's all i really can say at this point. honestly,if he fucking
knew. I guess this is my only venting place since everyone's sleeping already
and I'm up at 12:42 on March 23,2009. because why? cos' i cant fucking sleeeep, I mean
it's nothing new. It's my daily routine, waking up barely getting by the day by
telling myself,"smile,girl smile."then sleeping so late. Ugh, I'm telling myself to hang in there
and trying to tell myself, that I'm strong& nothing or nobody
could ever erase my happiness. I mean f/ck everytime, I'm doing so damn well
being single and crap. Some fool, comes into my life and makes me believe that their different.
I mean don't get me wrong, he is different.
I mean, even though he's such an asshole to me most of the time& he's only
sweet when he's barely falling asleep on me and when he ticks me off cos he puts me on hold every 5 seconds
theres still that something about him that I just can't seem to shake off. Like that little face he does, when like
he smiles all big and he looks like a little boy and in my head i'm thinking
pfft, dont give me that fucking "oh im so nice&cute" face.
I mean even though I'm so complicated, and I got a bag filled with
insecurities, apparently he's still here. and when I tell him that I'm scared
cos' of my past relationships, he tells me I shouldnt be.
But with all of that goodness, I'm still here hoping,wishing, that he'd just put more
ACTION vs. WORDS you know like, "more than words". I mean in
relationships, I don't ask for much I don't get mad easily unless
it's for a legit reason,trust? Fuck, I trust you. I mean if you
do me wrong, then thats not my problem
cos stupid ass bullsh/t won't phase me.shit.
All i really wanted was to be happy, and finally find a guy that knows
how to keep me happy, & knows that the only thing I ever wanted from him was
to see that he cared for me, and that I wasn't wasting any of my time.
I wish he knew what I felt, I mean I wish I could feel more of how he felt about me.
that's the funny thing about relationships, we get into one with full knowledge of
a chance of getting hurt,& yet we never really know but yet we still do it and then later on regret it.
aaaah, it's driving me insane. I don't wanna cry and I don't wanna be sad
I really don't. I'm hanging on only because I know that's what life is about, taking risks.
I guess he's the risk im willing to take and I'm hoping that he see's
that I aint the type of girl thats gonna give up & if he's willing to hurt me
then mos def that'll be the biggest mistake&loss he's ever made.
xoxo,
ayobee™
that's all i really can say at this point. honestly,if he fucking
knew. I guess this is my only venting place since everyone's sleeping already
and I'm up at 12:42 on March 23,2009. because why? cos' i cant fucking sleeeep, I mean
it's nothing new. It's my daily routine, waking up barely getting by the day by
telling myself,"smile,girl smile."then sleeping so late. Ugh, I'm telling myself to hang in there
and trying to tell myself, that I'm strong& nothing or nobody
could ever erase my happiness. I mean f/ck everytime, I'm doing so damn well
being single and crap. Some fool, comes into my life and makes me believe that their different.
I mean don't get me wrong, he is different.
I mean, even though he's such an asshole to me most of the time& he's only
sweet when he's barely falling asleep on me and when he ticks me off cos he puts me on hold every 5 seconds
theres still that something about him that I just can't seem to shake off. Like that little face he does, when like
he smiles all big and he looks like a little boy and in my head i'm thinking
pfft, dont give me that fucking "oh im so nice&cute" face.
I mean even though I'm so complicated, and I got a bag filled with
insecurities, apparently he's still here. and when I tell him that I'm scared
cos' of my past relationships, he tells me I shouldnt be.
But with all of that goodness, I'm still here hoping,wishing, that he'd just put more
ACTION vs. WORDS you know like, "more than words". I mean in
relationships, I don't ask for much I don't get mad easily unless
it's for a legit reason,trust? Fuck, I trust you. I mean if you
do me wrong, then thats not my problem
cos stupid ass bullsh/t won't phase me.shit.
All i really wanted was to be happy, and finally find a guy that knows
how to keep me happy, & knows that the only thing I ever wanted from him was
to see that he cared for me, and that I wasn't wasting any of my time.
I wish he knew what I felt, I mean I wish I could feel more of how he felt about me.
that's the funny thing about relationships, we get into one with full knowledge of
a chance of getting hurt,& yet we never really know but yet we still do it and then later on regret it.
aaaah, it's driving me insane. I don't wanna cry and I don't wanna be sad
I really don't. I'm hanging on only because I know that's what life is about, taking risks.
I guess he's the risk im willing to take and I'm hoping that he see's
that I aint the type of girl thats gonna give up & if he's willing to hurt me
then mos def that'll be the biggest mistake&loss he's ever made.
xoxo,
ayobee™
